Toothless is so cute here.
HIS NOSTRILS ARE PINK ON THE INSIDES
YOU CAN SEE THE EDGES OF HIS SCALES
HE’S STILL COVERED IN DIRT AND SOOT FROM THE FIGHT
DREAMWORKS WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME
how could you not want a toothless on your dash
can we talk about hiS EYES
How we beat the heat in Australia. Ice cold can on a warm belly.
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
my hands can’t even open water bottles
Luna that means someone is selling drugs there
Are you kidding she’s telling kids about all these creatures she sees that no one thinks exist, she’s the one dealing those drugs
Once upon a time, I decided that it was my solemn obligation to prank my friends before we graduated.
So…I made Hogwarts Acceptance letters. A lot of them. Because who isn’t still waiting for their freaking letter to arrive?
My hand hated me so much. Also, cursive G is the worst.
Letters were posted. All was well.
Until this happened…
This is literally the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
a 90’s kid? don’t you mean sad adult?
We freed them…but at what cost?
who needs a social life when you have a list of films to get through
I can’t decide if this is the best or the worst dad ever
If a man wakes up every day to put on a costume SOLELY to wave his child off to school, he is a dedicated father and truly one of the best out there, even tho this probably embarrassed the shit out of his kid
im going to be this father
One of the first things they ask you in the ER is to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10. I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times and… I remember once, when I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt like my chest was on fire. The nurse asked me to rate the pain, though I couldn’t speak I held up nine fingers. Later, when I start to feeling better, the nurse came in and she called me a fighter. "You know how I know?" she said, "you called a 10 a 9." But that wasn’t the truth. I didn’t called it a 9 ‘cause I was brave. The reason I called it a 9 was because I was saving my 10.
And this was it. This was the great and terrible 10.
can you put brownie mix in a waffle iron
I AM THE FUTURE
That’s one way to handle the heat.
I’m never gonna get over Ellen’s face